Ahh, the home opener. There’s nothing like Blake Street in the spring sunshine as the purple jerseys start to fill the bar. You KNOW I’m ready for some baseball, Mr. Bartender that just gave me a “Coors Light Special” in honor of the game. I love it. Hey, there’s a 26-year-old guy in a Palantir hoodie. How ‘bout that? We’re all ball fans today! They’ve got the purple stripe down the middle of the road and I hope there isn’t too much vomit on that later. Even so! At least that means it’ll be fun. I love telling my buddy that Michael Lorenzen is pitching today, yeah I think he was in Kansas City last year. Ah, not sure how he did. I’d have to look that up. Can someone look that up? Damn, this beer is going down fast! I’ll have to get another to save money inside. Tickets were still $75, after all.

Hey hey here we go! Tickets scanned, bags searched, we are in the park baby! Hope springs eternal. We’ve got a few minutes before first pitch I think, looks like they’re doing player intros now. Boy, I shouldn’t have had that third beer. Ah well, when else do you get the day off for this? Hey, what’s the new food options they’ve got? I always love the new ballpark foods. You got some whacky things. What’s the Glizzilla? A two foot long hot dog? For $45? Would you split it with me? No? Why not? I don’t think they’d put us on camera haha, there’s plenty of other stuff to look at. Alright I’ll get it myself, find the seats I’ll see you in a few.

Oh I should watch the first pitch at least, before I get in line. Finally time to see Michael Lorenzen in those pinstripes! Here we gooooo….outside. Ok that’s fine. You’d love a strike to really get the thing going but hey we’re back watching baseball in Coors Field.

Shit, that wasn’t great. Double for Turner. Ok, I’m just going to get in line and get this hot dog. 45 dollars is insane but you only live once! Hey there, one of the Glizzilla’s please. Yes, the two foot hot dog that has pasta salad on it for some reason. Or at least in the photo it did, can I get it without the past salad? Ok great, I’m not looking to die today you know. Do I want a drink? Jesus I probably need one don’t I? God help me if this hot dog gets lodged in my throat and the camera spots me getting Heimlich’d because of this thing. Just a water is probably fine. I don’t know if it’s safe to add more beer to this thing. Bases loaded already? Hm. I better find the seats.

Hey excuse me sorry, sorry, trying to squeeze by. Yeah this is the two foot hot dog, haha. Ah, they had it up over behind that section there. Yeah, 45 bucks. I know! But hey YOLO right. It means you only live once. It was a thing, like eight years ago now I think. Drake said it. The rapper. Yeah, they guy Kendrick Lamar accused of statutory in his hit song. We didn’t know that when it came out. Why should I stop saying YOLO he’s the one that sucks.

What the hell, 3-0? At least he got an out here. This dog is tough to eat. Excuse my elbows fellas. I’m going to have to attack this thing like I’m trying to impress the Fremen of Arrakis, get it? From Dune. The worms. You know. Timmy Chalamet. They have giant worms, oh forget it. Time to take a bite here…SHIT. Marsh tanked that thing. Good lord. 6-0 already. This sucks. I barely sat down. I haven’t even taken a bite of this thing. It’s going to take me a few innings to chow down here fellas, I don’t know what we’re going to do. Hopefully this doesn’t get too out of hand because I don’t think I’ll physically be able to leave for a while after eating this. Time to dig in.

MmhphrugEALMUTO. Where’s my water? Christ, Lorenzen is cooked. This is miserable. People are booing. This could’ve happened in June to any team but it’s funny that it happened to the Rockies on opening day. God, they’re going to drag Dick Monfort out like he’s a Royalist advisor in 1792 France. Get it? Jesus, read a book guys. Hey, an out! Alright two down, can escape here just down six. What’s the problem, it’s Coors Field. The Rockies can make this up like nothing. I should probably take another bite. You guys sure you don’t want any?

I am three bites in. Oh God dude are you serious it’s 7-0? I’m so sad. You shouldn’t have to eat a two foot long hot dog under these conditions. Do you think they’ll let me get a refund under emotional distress?

Connor’s Guys will be an update on the Guys I want to follow through the Rockies minor league system. This won’t necessarily be the best prospects, don’t expect a top-100 guy here, but guys I find interesting. Every now and then we’ll add a new guy when I spot someone putting up an interesting line or having a unique profile to look into

A reminder of our guys: Konner Eaton, Andy Perez, JB Middleton, Jordy Vargas, and Max Belyeu.

Still far too early to make any determination here. Eaton makes his second start tonight, as does JB Middleton. Vargas will start either Saturday or Sunday, I believe. Nice to see Belyeu rake early, even if it is just that, early.

Hey, you want to talk about something with your pals this week? Want to sound interesting or smart when someone brings up the Rockies? Sick of everyone having the same thing to say so you wanna change it up? Try this on for size this week.

Are the Rockies fun? This is a serious question. I don’t know if they are good. It’s still far too early in the season to know that and they don’t have the guys I would say that make a team good. But are they fun?

Let’s consider the evidence presented over the past few days. A couple of days ago, they debuted a brand new home run celebration that I can only describe as a Macklemore coat:

That thing is fuzzy…and fun! The vibes of the Rockies home run celebration have been pretty dire in this era of dugout celebrations. They didn’t have anything for a while, honestly for a little bit too long, then they had a ski helmet. Which wasn’t very fun at all. Now, the Macklemore jacket. It’s organic, it’s whimsical, it’s fun!

During Wednesday’s game, the next piece of evidence entered the fray…Troy Johnston smacked a double, then stood on second and did a little dance. Not uncommon in today’s MLB. Teams do dances or little annoying celebrations for every extra base hit these days. It caught my eye at first because I am a connoisseur of aging internet memes. It looked familiar. Then they asked Kyle Freeland about it on the broadcast and he simply said “go back inside.” And I knew.

The Rockies are just tryna ball with their bros in 2026. This is incredible. This is legitimately funny. This isn’t tryhard weirdo shit. This isn’t forced. This is a tremendous reference to a beloved internet meme. It’s fun!

The Rockies are playing better than they have in April in FOUR YEARS, so the vibes are obviously good. But they might also be good because right now, in this moment, this team is actually having fun playing baseball. I didn’t think it was allowed, I didn’t think the Colorado Rockies could have a personality…but they do.

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