Joe Biden owes me a 2021 Ford Bronco Sport (Badlands Edition)

On Tuesday night, President Sleepy Joe Biden held a formal townhall for the media types and at this town hall he answered many questions about how he doesn’t think COVID can enter school property and how he’s blown away that they have interracial couples selling Pepsi nowadays. It’s true, Joe!

After Joe stopped talking about how Polish people are now allowed to be on pizza commercials, he was asked about student loan debt, to which he announced he’d like to clear 10,000 dollars of it. Earlier in the day, before the town hall even started, Biden’s admin announced that they’ll be extending the deadline for the Obamacare website so people who don’t have jobs that offer healthcare can sign up for it. In both of these instances, Biden and his team acted as though this were a victory for progressive causes. Biden’s tweet about healthcare dot gov even went so far as to co-opt the M4A language that “healthcare is a right” but meaning that it’s a right to buy healthcare on the market. Like that it’s your “right” to buy a computer or your “right” to get pizza four nights in a row.

Rights are a funny thing. The language of “rights” gets thrown around to cover whatever the hell we want them to cover for whatever political goal we’d like to accomplish. Ted Cruz believes it’s the “right” of any city government employee to refuse to honor a same sex marriage. People argue that Chinese citizens are losing their “rights” when the government closes down a city market to stop the spread of COVID. I believe that everyone has a “right” to a quality life (with housing, a living wage, healthcare, and food). But, when Joe Biden uses “rights” to argue people should be allowed to purchase healthcare it dilutes the argument into the conservative’s favorite line that if everyone was just allowed to purchase things, all of our problems would be solved. Using “rights” (which we often view as inalienable, bestowed at birth) to discuss things like “participating in a market” isn’t economically progressive at all but Biden’s team makes it sound that way by reminding people that the whole Medicare For All line was that people had a “right” to healthcare.

If Biden’s team is going to co-opt the language of “rights” to pass moderate legislation, then I think it is only fair that I can co-opt his administrative goals for my own personal gain. Therefore, I believe Joe Biden owes me a 2021 Ford Bronco Sport (Badlands Edition).

The 2021 Ford Bronco Sport is a new mid-size SUV from Ford. It’s really slick. Boxy shape, 4WD, solid rear storage, the car is a great throwback to the Broncos of old while bringing it into the modern age. I really enjoy the modern feel of the interior and how it rejects the style of many of the current line of SUVs by sticking with it’s box shape. Joe Biden owes me a really nice one. Check it out below, this pic is from Muscle Cars and Trucks:

Wouldn’t that be sweet to have in your driveway? I know I’d love it. That’s why Joe Biden should buy me one.

Biden ran on what many journalists claimed was the most progressive platform of any major party nominee. He ran on an increased minimum wage, a major investment in COVID relief, and the way I see it he ran on buying me a Ford Bronco Sport (Badlands Edition). If he (or any democrat) wants my vote in 2024, he’ll do right by me and send me this bitchin’ ride.

For anyone reading this and saying “but he didn’t run on that specifically, you can’t just claim he ran on buying you a Ford Bronco Sport (Badlands Edition)” I say, why not? If liberal politicians can tie themselves to activist rhetoric when they pass crappy stopgap policies that help a very small sliver of the population they claim to be running for, why can’t I tie myself to the policy promises of Joe Biden and claim that even though he didn’t explicitly state he would be purchasing me these sweet wheels, it’s inferred in his campaign promise to Build Back Better. He’s Building my life Back Better by buying me this hot ass whip. Joe Biden owes me a 2021 Ford Bronco Sport (Badlands Edition) and I intend to claim what’s mine.

I am going to claim that much like Biden thinks it’s the “right” of citizens to log on and pay $4,800 a month for a high deductible healthcare plan, it’s my “right” to take a Badlands Bronco over a sick ass dune. It’s my “right” to blast Panama by Van Halen as I roll this Bronco into a muddy creek and hit the gas to get over a 4 foot bank. You want to see me in a voting booth next November? Pass me the keys, pal. I need to take a ride in a 2021 Ford Bronco Sport (Badlands Edition) with twin clutch rear drive and the brand new Terrain Management System.

If Joe Biden’s not going to give me healthcare free at the point of service then it’s only right that he lets me take those 17 inch Aluminum Carbonized wheels into the sickest four wheel track I can find and rip the shit.

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