Some Tips and Tricks for Winning a Major League Baseball Game

Ah, so you’re a Major League Baseball team! That’s exciting. And scary, I bet! It’s not every day you get to try to win a game of Major League Baseball! But here you are! The Colorado Rockies! Before we get too far ahead of ourselves we should setup something to track how many games of Major League Baseball that you win. What about something like this?

I like it! Hmm, there’s only one win there. How many games have you played, like two or three? It’s tough to win major league baseball games so I understa—what’s that? Six? Six games? And you won one? Oh well that is not a good start. Some would say, well many would say really, that you should try to win at least three of every six games. Four is good, five is great. One is not good at all. But that’s ok! That’s why I am here, to help you get some more wins. How about I give you some basic tips and tricks to win some games? Ok, great!

Tip #1: Have all your guys ERA under 20

This is key to winning games, you want your Earned Run Average (that is the average of runs you allow to score per 9 innings on hits or walks) to be under 20. Generally, we like it in the 3s or at the worst 4s. You can live with 4s. But 20 is hard to deal with, winning games wise.

Aw, jeez. Ok that’s not a great thing to see. Two guys with ERA’s over 20. But hey, it’s just a few games in, now that you know that having an ERA over 20 is a bad thing I think there is probably a path to progress here. Let’s put our head down and get back to work!

Tip #2: Always throw your pitch to where the catcher is asking

This is tougher, it’s basically the fundamental foundation for pitching though. Anyone can throw a ball, but it takes skill to pitch one. Pitching is about placement and velocity, sometimes about movement, but mostly those two. If you can throw hard and throw accurately, you will succeed. Let’s give it a try here with Jake Bird.

Ok, Jake. You see here catcher Elias Diaz is setting up on the outside corner. He wants this pitch away from Alek Thomas. You have runners on the corners so what Elias is hoping to do here is either get a swing and miss or, if you’re lucky, a ground ball that we can either turn a double play off of or retire that lead runner. Remember, low out and outside.

Aw, jeez. That’s going inside and up in the zone. That’s not good. That is not good. I don’t know about that one, Jake.

Yep, that ball is a home run. Aw, jeez. I don’t like what happened there. But I think we can learn a very important lesson from it. We want to make sure we don’t throw it to the exact opposite location that the catcher is asking for it. I think there is always a lesson from mistakes.

Tip #3: Avoid Mistakes

There is nothing in this game and life that will hurt you more than mistakes. An ability to limit mistakes will take your further than any shred of talent. That is true for baseball, that is true for any job.

Mistakes can be a killer in Major League Baseball. You can go from winning to losing with one, or from having the game in reach to risking it becoming a blowout. Oh, hey, Nolan Jones, there is a lazy fly ball to left. That should end the inning man. The Rockies are only down two and could get back in this.

Aw, jeez. That’s in and out of the glove. That is not good. I don’t like that at all. That scored a run and then the next guy got a hit too so it scored another run. Now it’s 5-1. Aw, jeez man.

But hey, don’t sweat it. There’s 162 games you’re going to have errors. No team plays mistake free for every game. Even the Yankees have errors you know.

Here we go, one game later, we’ve got a ground ball base hit coming your way. Just field that cleanly and we’ll limit the damage to one run.

Just look that baby in. Just right to you, no problem at all alright here it comes.

Ahh Nolan, I think the glove should be a little lower, it looks like that ball is squeekin-

Aw, jeez. That is past you. That is not good. I don’t like that at all. That’s going to lead to an inside the park home run for Chris Morel. They’re calling it a Little League homer on the broadcast, Nolan. That’s bad. They’re comparing that play to children. Aw, jeez man.

If I were trying to get my team to win Major League Baseball games I wouldn’t do that. I know you know that, I’m just saying it for everyone else here.

Tip #4: Score Runs

This seems obvious, I sound like Tim McCarver saying you should outscore your opponent. But if you can’t pitch well, at least score some runs you know.

Aw, jeez. That is stinky. -26 OPS+? From your cleanup hitter? Gosh. I don’t think you guys are listening to me at all. I don’t want to bring this up but Mookie Betts has scored 14 runs himself this season. You all combined have 16. I don't think this is good at all.

I don’t have any more tips, guys. There is only so much I can do. You can lead a Rockies to water but you can’t drown them. They are drowning themselves already.

156 to go